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account of me #3

I played basketball today, only four people.

And there left three.

And left both of us.

I tried to talk, and make play a game. and as i can see, it was super boring.

She took her phone and left me immediately.

I followed, but she kept a constant distance of 2 meters away.

wow~

Now I wonder, is this series of note appropriate to be labeled as good-friend-changes?

First, good friend forgives.

But she has not.

Second, good friend accepts.

But she did not. Once I irritate her, and no longer able to make her laugh and have fun, she left me. wow~

Third, good friend do not lie.

She did. Obviously, conspicuously.

Hey hey~ yo yo~

But whatever okay.

Do you know why moon can only orbit around the earth?

Because she is enjoying playing around and teasing and confusing the earth. She won't ever once lose her tangential speed so that the earth cannot capture her. once the earth is no longer satisfactory, she will stop glowing.

I love chicken rice~~!

Performance, hey ho!

Hey yo!

Today I went to a performance for Krishna's company.

I thought I was late, because the sound check supposed to start at 5 p.m.

But it had not arrived until 6.10.....

While waiting, there was a waitress. They said she is sweet. I do. ^^

So in the end I rushed to set the things up. After things done, we ate chicken rice.

It costs the payer $25++ each. OMG.

And there it goes, a conversation with someone with extreme shit-tiness.

And the victim was the waitress.

And I regained my strength. :D

It was so fun:

1. I performed in front of VIPs from various countries.

2. I got free nuts

3. I got free soft drink

4. I got free chicken rice, boneless.

5. The fact that there were two pros in girl matters. XD

6. And whatever imagination we thought about. Very nice~~

Glory to God.

He is good, undeniably, timeless, and sincere.

Account of me #2

I went to church today, and I could not practiced properly in the morning.

During the pre-service prayer, I cried out to Him. And I felt relieved.

after I went back, I was in a strange mood of playing drum in dining hall.

So straight away, I went there and play. It was hot, I sweated, but I still continued.

After sometime, suddenly I felt bored.

So I walked back to Morrison

I was about to enter, and by some arbitrary chance, she came out of her block and called me.....

-.-

Wow, she smiled to me, so I smiled back.

Since she seemed to be in good mood, I talked to her.

She answered me...

After a while, really short, she told me that she just won a competition, for $50.

Wow, she actually DID tell what she went through today to me.

I congratulated her, and we parted.

Wow, I said, that was fast.

Honestly, there is still some scare, so I still keep maximizing my sensitivity level.

There is hope then.

I believe the time will come.

Account of me #1

Today, I went for GP remedial, and there, I returned her squash rackets I borrowed the previous day.

I returned, I said thank you, she said yeah, but still disgusted to look at me; as if she would get a blinding eye-sore as soon she sees me... The door was more pleasant.

I played badminton.

I still felt the awkwardness in front of her. Perhaps I am still afraid of her contempt towards me.

Honestly, I am scared. And reluctant.

and scared if her feeling became worse.

...

She was still playing badminton, and thus, I went to play in the empty squash court.

Not so long, she came.

She asked for the racquet, without words; she only extended her arm, no words, no smile.

Then she left immediately, as if I am invisible.

..

At least I tried to limit the amount of time I talked to her; only when necessary.

Or perhaps too little amount, as if I abandoned her as my friend.

So she still in that disgusted mood towards me.

I just met her after the change anyways.

But to be honest, I still failed to act normally and spiritedly in front of her.

Too bad. So sad.

I will do my best the next time.

I believe the change will come.

Grin in Dismay

Feel the distress coming.
Here there are, the infected!
, they said.
Wearing mask, treating them
like ravenous corpses in need.
But behind,
ironical to see indeed.

People smirk!
They are proud to be chanced escape!
I am not as unlucky. I am living here
Ha. Ha.
Good luck guys. Have fun!

People hope!
Not for the better good,
but thinking they can be the same.
Ha. Ha.

Ha.
We live here. Confined, but forced
to take up the struggle.
Lucky you guys! I want to be like yours!

People laugh!
Due to the bizarre
The walking zombies
The infected.
Ha Ha Ha.
What a joke. Taste that!
Move out with mouth cover.
None to welcome, none to pick up.
Funny…

People smile,
mockingly. But they are not humans.
A declare of victory.
We won! We won! We have won!
Triumph! Glory! All hail to The Fallen!!!
Even the Almighty almost has no power.
As these here are sto-o-o-pid.
Ha ha ha!
How laughable. Seeing this,
they still laugh and grin.
Even in prayer,
egocentrism, indifference inundates.
Good luck for it! You may be safe,
but none is safe for you.

But who have the fervor?
Who have the passion?
Who have the ardor?
Who have the fervency?
Where are they?
One tenth.
One tenth is enough,
to move My heart, to win this war.
To end this isolation…

A list of love reflection question. truly

When you think you are in love of someone, and you feel that you want to be her partner, I suggest you ask yourself these questions before you actually utter your feeling.

1. What do you actually like about her? Is it simply her appearance?
2. Do you deserve being her partner? Will she be ashamed of you?
3. Will you restrain her interaction with other people if you become attached to her?
4. Are you willing to accept her as what she is? Will you still love her if you find out all of her bad traits?
5. Are you simply fulfilling your hunger for an attractive partner? Or do you really believe you are the best for her - at least for the time being, and thus, you take her so that she will be happy?
6. Will your 'love' be altered if, say, she get an accident and it completely destroys her good appearance?
7. What does she really want out of you?
8. Are you doing something against God's will?
9. Are you sure that you are not being shameless by wishing what is not supposed to be yours?
10. Will you hurt others if you take her? Will people truly support your relationship?
11. Are you sure she loves you truly?
12. If you do not take her, will someone just snatches it, and thus, what you can see is she being hurt?
13. Are you happy when she is happy?
14. What do you seek out of her?
15. How do you think you can make her happy?
16. Have you been so far faking your true identity in front of her?
17. Has she been so far faking her true identity to people?
18. Are you sure you can be faithful to her? Even when you then found someone twice as well-behaved and thrice as beautiful?
19. Will you willingly, truly forgive her mistakes?
20. What will your reaction be is she decides to break up? Will you still love her? Will you still be her best companion? Best friend?
21. Will you keep your secrets from her?
22. How far do you want to go in this relationship?
23. Are you sure you know her limits in relationship?
24. Are you sure you will not hurt her, and thus traumatize her of relationship for the rest of her life?
25. Are you doing this for fun? to get an experience? to learn something? or you really want this to last as long as possible, and perhaps, your first and last and forever attachment?

This sounds a trifle trivial, but actually, is important if you want to have a good relationship - I suppose.

A guess

How do you call it?
Of mine feeling about her.
Give me the answer,
and this soul shall be yours!
Take it,
as thirst would be quenched
and this sorrow ends.

I shall call it love!
NO!
Love is patient, love is kind.
Neither it is envious, boastful, and proud.
It isn't rude! It isn't self-seeking!
Never easily angered, never kept record of wrong.
It rejoices truth!
It protects! Trusts! Hopes! Perseveres! And never fails!!!
But indeed, none of that eventuates between.
Such wonder! I want it, but it will never come.

Infatuation, perhaps, sir?
NO!
If it is, why does it stay so long?
If it is, why am I prepared for the bad?
If it is, why do I not stop?
If it is, why am I not sick of it after a while?
If it REALLY is,
why have not I left her?
If it REALLY is,
why am I willing to give most-of-all?
Such difference!
If it is not, why is it so strong?

Well, call it amity!
NO! NO!
Amity does not harm.
Amity does not hurt.
Amity does not seek attention.
Amity is no jealousy.
Amity is not possessive.
Amity only seeks to bring joy.
Such hope of hers!
I know it; that my mind will fail
to know the limit.

Well well, sir. Then what is it?
Who is she anyway?
She is my friend. No.
She is my deceiver. No.
She is my queen. No.
She is the biggest liar of all times. No.
She is my all in all. No.
She is the pitfall and loophole of my life.
No.
She is the flower, I am the bee. No.
She is the snake. No.
She is my best friend. No.
She is the one toying with my feelings. No.
She is the one I really care about.
No.
She is myself.
... No.
She is my hope.

Forlorn.

Irritation,a.poem

bleh bleh, &5ef%%6en@1@w whydoiwayssk4speclattn..
i now know why u r quite lazy to answer
can u read?
yea yea yea, my fault that makes u so lazy to answer me
blah blah blah.. sorry
i now know why u r quite lazy to answer
WO WO, pretty pessimistic, but i think true

ithinkijstwantreply
thenugotirritatd
thenignore2
goo goo goo
wawawawa,sadsadme
hmmhmm,maybereallyshouldstop
cozureallyfeelbugged
sighnvmthen

sorrytohavedisturbedsooooooomuch
tilluhavetowaitandstaytoreply
andeventillnowustilldo
hmm,whytonaggyidunno
observant?oversenstve?
woozzz
gogogonowmyself

i am uttering truth
perhapsushouldread
have u even read all????????????

no u dont!
haha,yea,nowucontonuewatching
sadsadme
shouldchasemeoutearlieeerr
grahhh
actuallyyyureallyseemdisturbedbymyunendingchatt
gogogowatchthefilm,dunneedtowatchfriend
uncovertheclover,covertherest

Self-potrayal

I am such A DRAB!
Such animal in street corners!
They come, teasing this slum dog!
with those unworthy notes they adore...
Low, low. Keep that, keep that!
I don't need them... I can live!
You don't need to pay me!
I will SURVIVE!

Yeah! I AM drab! So what?!
You think I can't survive with this?
Look! People ASK for my autograph.
Every week I go down the town to
give them my precious signature!
They will give me money as
my loyal fans.
Right?

I am fabulous. I AM. FAB!
Look! I have the beautiful, dull-black skies
as my forever-shelter! How wonderful!
Every time the stars twinkle,
I always sleep with my mom,
your mom, everything's. Mother!!
I am sooo fab!
The rich even give their clothes to me!
Such fame! Unimaginable.

Nigga, nigga! Ya ain't one of us!
Go away, or this black-ass fist will put
a bloody mark in yar' lil' bro!
Wow! They call me brother!
Such joy! Well, come here!
I shall serve you
with all my strength, with all my heart!

When done, I shall serve you on silver plate.

Lovesick, a response

-I was in repose, waiting,
calming myself down again..
And this is how it has gone:

What are you still waiting for?
I am waiting for tranquil wind.
The one that brings peace to me,
_to blow what makes me sooooo bored

Since when have you been waiting?
I have been waiting since the dawn.
However excruciating,
-I shall wait, wait, . . . and wait.

Why do you want to stay, still?
|I have no other choices!
She's the only antidote,
to my forever-sorrow.

Who are you then waiting for?
|I'm waiting for my missing Miss.
The one that resembles me,
the one that I want, always!

To whom I have loved truly,
truly. Truly. |True loving.

Memoir1

Haha, such a long long time before i posted this thing. 1 term! lol
ok, i will start a series of moments in my life that i will never forget, or perhaps, the ones that i dont want to forget. haha. ha.
so, yeah, this is series one:

James, the Goh and Gunawan, the first time we meet in an unforgettable 3T,
Mr Tan Weng Seng was passing around a sitting plan, I wrote James, and he wrote James 2.
haha

thats all for now

Start of holiday

It is another holiday. How meaningful it is, depends on myself.

Even after three days have passed, I am still living in a holiday mood; extreme slackness of a mere man.

Notwithstanding, I WANT TO START.
but how to do that?
Here is the list of temptation that always haunt me:

FOOD
Internet
Basketball
Badminton
Go KFC
Running (HOW COME???!!!)
Go to Pasta Mania
Computer games
fOOd
Disturbing my roommates
Going to Carl's Jr.
Visiting S11
Buying snack and drink at bubble tea shop
Reading comics in the toilet
Food
Somnolence
playing PSP
Can drinks
facebook
having a little taste on footlong-subway-sandwich
playing my mac
eating my Mc's
SPORE
Passing by prata house w/ 100% chance of being tempted to enter and spend at least $5
F0:D
sleep
Having a nice dream
FOOD

hmm, see, how great the number of them are.
So, I guess one by one is to be eliminated if I really want to start.

My scandalous case during orientation

HEAaaa....

Orientation in RI(JC) has just ended. I got some story to tell u all.
:::
Quite unbelievable though that I can be in love by some random chance. It was all started by some random rumor by one OGL. He told everyone that I like this one sweet girl.

Each day there is only one thing they say about me, which is that unbelievably favorite rumor. On why that is the only thing, I don't know.

Nevertheless, God told me that she is not mine. At this time round, as I've heard the rumor for tens of times, I was somehow infatuated by her. I feel quite disappointed, coz she is actually a very nice girl. Those pigs just do not know how to treat her properly.

Desperate enough to forget about this unnecessary infatuation, I kept praying strong. One thing I remember: He said the process would be PAINFUL.

Remarkably painful; that is what I can say. By any means, I was mentally suppressed forcefully. It was really a hard time; it had to reach my limit until I got the result. Another hour, and I would have exploded...

And in the end, He took that feeling away. I was watching the storyline, and suddenly there is this unbelievable comfort and joy in my heart; I heard He said, 'It is done. Now, u are no longer infatuated.' I was really happy then, until one time I decided to play around; I tried to 'get closer' to her, and everything that I have done through suffering turned out worthless... I am now badly infatuated w/her, worse then before.
==
What is it now?

Ah, my friend. How am I supposed to do this?

So what now?
She exhausted me to the end
As I said I can
To help so relationship regrow

But what freak I get?
First friendliness I met
After the work is collected
I got but neglected...

So my friend, what now?
Soon as it ends, nothing I sow
Only know attitude she show
Only bad impression I avow

Emo of the day

SHE IGNORED ME......................
Hiks hiks hiks....
sob sob sobs.....
Hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......

emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo

PIG, u shall suffer!!!!!!
to the end! It shall never end!!!!!
Enjoy the ever suffering!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And there comes she,.... the one

A free poem of mine
It doesn't rhyme
----------------------------------

Ah
At last a chance,
A little conversation was made
After a long, long wait

Just a click on a messenger
At last, a face of her
Though it was just photo of another
It was, for me, a thriller

Her face was just soothing now and then
Her smile pleased me and never end;
The countenance that's undoubtedly calming
The expression of others enchanting

But
however I miss her, a meet should happen not
May she giving reject
or me having no gut

-------
That is all

A1 Malay O level

Ah
Is it a luck? Is it my very own effort? Somebody's help?

Whatever it is, I believe non of them are true. I had never gotten myself satisfied with my malay test' results. Scold, mourn, contempt are what I got before it. Even a B3 I could not reach.

It was both of myself and my teacher who was very disappointed and felt no other way to lift my mark up. B3 would be the highest possibility.

But whatever it is, I can only tell one thing; God was there with me, in the exam hall.

###

How to feel?
It was warm, I can tell it. One is warmth, the other was an unbelievable calmness and fresh mind while doing the work. It was cold inside the hall, together with my ignorance to bring a hoodie, make it gigantic freezer to my body. As this icy wind blankets someone, him are supposed to lose all focus and begin to shiver unstoppably. However, that lovely hug of His simply turned this fridge into a tropical rainforest.

The mental support was real. His presence are just strong. And, yeah, like, some awesome forces were supporting you from behind.

That is all I could say. None of this are my work. Everybody knows, I suck at Malay, but by His grace, no impossible is impossible.

Arghhh.... You die, pig!!!

Damn
damn
DAMN!!!!!

You pig
die
die
die
ddieeee!!!!!
HWaaaaA!!!!!
Lost
get lost to the galaxy!!!!
die
DDDDDIIIIEEE!!!!

now how, you jackass!!!

She is mad at me!!!!
arghhhh....

no more tomorrow shall come..
damn
damn
DAmn
DAMN!!!!!

Disappear to the end boy!!!!
die u
u irresponsible entity!!!!

ah
Cry
Crying
I cry
I am crying
I am crying out loud
Now, I am crying out loud
Hwaaaaaa...


No forgiveness to you!!!!
die
Die
DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some refreshment...

Hard gay!!!

Hard gay,
hooooooo!!!!!!

Arghh......... lose!! LOSE!!!!!!

ah
ah

Huaaaa!!!!!!!
My cry never end! NEVAH!!!!


hwaaaaaa....
ah
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo

Lamentation....... Hiks!

Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!
Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!
Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!

End....

Emo

Emo is sad
Sad is emo
hiks
T.T

HWaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAA......

What a mess I made - another lamentation

Ah, at last, a visit to that forbidden school, Loyola College.
Shortly, it is a place that pops up tons of bitter memories from my mind of the past, due to SOME rejection, SOME materialism, SOME nightmare, and SOME, well, friends...

But, en passant, it was just a little wild thought of visiting this very place that had traumatized me so long ago by its incorrigible indifference. So, for what? Visiting those 'friends', supposedly, from the past. I was pretty sure for 'a little' warmer welcome, but, well, things always turn out differently.

OK, first, I got one of my friend to pop out and drag me all around the school. Then I saw some people, and , SHIT, I did not recognize them as my friend, however they did.
Then I met one gal that I, OK, miss. She said hi, though, but my shame just surged out of nowhere and make me mute to talk that girl. Well, that is an old syndrome of mine though; just a little nicer girl will make me stand my goosebumps, temporarily mute, choked, breathe fast, an almost-gonna-burst heart, and etc. etc.

Then, this little pig that dragged me all the way in and out shouted to every entity, "This guy is looking for Siska! For Siska! For Siska!" like an unnecessary Christmas caroling.
When I thought she had gone home, that thing suddenly appeared from a totally unexpected place, walking - no, it was more like slithering - to my place. Then this pig called her while shouting like I was an alien.

Ah, this gal is somehow special to me, not because she is that special or what, but considering that an everyone-knows scandalous event makes ur heart beat like crazy when u meet ur victim, and so was I when this wobbling thing approached me.

### LOL!

But, she just walked past me! WTH?
and like a doppler effect, I slowly recovered from the instability of mind. Even by then, this pig did not stop shouting, "Hoi! Siska, this is ur guy!!!" Hmm, gotta poke his ass sometimes...

###
And this pig did not stop right there. When I told him that she was not the one I wanna meet, he coped my phone and started to send some scandalous message to her like crazy. Arghhhh....!!!

And in the end, until this post is posted, she is still mad at me. Damn!!! That pig also successfully mess with someone I wanna meet most......
##
##
##
##
##
And she got BF already...
Hwaaaaaa!!!!! Kill me.\\


no lah
let it be.
NICE!!!!

A mourn of mine

Ah, another mourn at last.

For a couple of month I have been curiously waiting for what will happen when I have a meet with my friends of past. But all my imagination comes to waste; until now, at least, all seems over-imagined.

Yes, of course warm welcomes were given by some of my friends; it is even an exaggeration to use the word 'some', but let it be.
However, I cannot think of anything anymore. My time almost comes; after it passes, no meet shall be able to be done, even when blood sweat has dripped. OK, maybe that one friend of mine can possibly help me by some chances, but how important am I in the eyes of them - my friends of past?

Such an irritating moment. But, those are nothing when the one I want to meet most from the time I left my very secondary school in Indonesia, responds to none of my effort to start up even a short, little conversation.

###
Ah, whatever I thought. However, there is such a strong desire to see this person. Just once, once is enough to keep my spirit up for the rest of my years in Singapore. But, like talking to a wall, even a single word is completely unexpressed from her. Is it just the unwavering heart? Or is it my foolishness not to be able to take even a single chance that come once in a blue moon?

Arghhhhhhhhh....
I can't bear it anymore.
How can I propose a meeting, no, just a chance to see is enough.

But would it make me contented in the end? I know that I am temperamental, at least. So, I may comprehend that by the time I see, my body will just unconsciously approach her and say a word or two, or even three, or whatever.
For the time being, when my desperation is at its peak, wouldn't a little glance be just fine to quench my unreasonable thirst?

My attempt of being poetic

ah
at last I can make a 'longer' poem
####
My transience of permanence

-Like a permanent transience,
-and so is my loyalty,
-to Him; One with omniscience
-who found me ever guilty

Another moon, another bunch of cloud
At dawn, found myself never guilty
Guilty I feel when I think about
Oh, His solicitude eternally

-When I still have my conscience
-This unfaithfulness are to kill
-And, if I stubborn still
-and so will my permanent transience

ah, I somehow feel 'free'...
I like!!!!!