Ah, my friend. How am I supposed to do this?

So what now?
She exhausted me to the end
As I said I can
To help so relationship regrow

But what freak I get?
First friendliness I met
After the work is collected
I got but neglected...

So my friend, what now?
Soon as it ends, nothing I sow
Only know attitude she show
Only bad impression I avow

Emo of the day

SHE IGNORED ME......................
Hiks hiks hiks....
sob sob sobs.....
Hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......

emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo

PIG, u shall suffer!!!!!!
to the end! It shall never end!!!!!
Enjoy the ever suffering!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And there comes she,.... the one

A free poem of mine
It doesn't rhyme
----------------------------------

Ah
At last a chance,
A little conversation was made
After a long, long wait

Just a click on a messenger
At last, a face of her
Though it was just photo of another
It was, for me, a thriller

Her face was just soothing now and then
Her smile pleased me and never end;
The countenance that's undoubtedly calming
The expression of others enchanting

But
however I miss her, a meet should happen not
May she giving reject
or me having no gut

-------
That is all

A1 Malay O level

Ah
Is it a luck? Is it my very own effort? Somebody's help?

Whatever it is, I believe non of them are true. I had never gotten myself satisfied with my malay test' results. Scold, mourn, contempt are what I got before it. Even a B3 I could not reach.

It was both of myself and my teacher who was very disappointed and felt no other way to lift my mark up. B3 would be the highest possibility.

But whatever it is, I can only tell one thing; God was there with me, in the exam hall.

###

How to feel?
It was warm, I can tell it. One is warmth, the other was an unbelievable calmness and fresh mind while doing the work. It was cold inside the hall, together with my ignorance to bring a hoodie, make it gigantic freezer to my body. As this icy wind blankets someone, him are supposed to lose all focus and begin to shiver unstoppably. However, that lovely hug of His simply turned this fridge into a tropical rainforest.

The mental support was real. His presence are just strong. And, yeah, like, some awesome forces were supporting you from behind.

That is all I could say. None of this are my work. Everybody knows, I suck at Malay, but by His grace, no impossible is impossible.

Arghhh.... You die, pig!!!

Damn
damn
DAMN!!!!!

You pig
die
die
die
ddieeee!!!!!
HWaaaaA!!!!!
Lost
get lost to the galaxy!!!!
die
DDDDDIIIIEEE!!!!

now how, you jackass!!!

She is mad at me!!!!
arghhhh....

no more tomorrow shall come..
damn
damn
DAmn
DAMN!!!!!

Disappear to the end boy!!!!
die u
u irresponsible entity!!!!

ah
Cry
Crying
I cry
I am crying
I am crying out loud
Now, I am crying out loud
Hwaaaaaa...


No forgiveness to you!!!!
die
Die
DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some refreshment...

Hard gay!!!

Hard gay,
hooooooo!!!!!!

Arghh......... lose!! LOSE!!!!!!

ah
ah

Huaaaa!!!!!!!
My cry never end! NEVAH!!!!


hwaaaaaa....
ah
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo

Lamentation....... Hiks!

Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!
Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!
Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!

End....

Emo

Emo is sad
Sad is emo
hiks
T.T

HWaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAA......

What a mess I made - another lamentation

Ah, at last, a visit to that forbidden school, Loyola College.
Shortly, it is a place that pops up tons of bitter memories from my mind of the past, due to SOME rejection, SOME materialism, SOME nightmare, and SOME, well, friends...

But, en passant, it was just a little wild thought of visiting this very place that had traumatized me so long ago by its incorrigible indifference. So, for what? Visiting those 'friends', supposedly, from the past. I was pretty sure for 'a little' warmer welcome, but, well, things always turn out differently.

OK, first, I got one of my friend to pop out and drag me all around the school. Then I saw some people, and , SHIT, I did not recognize them as my friend, however they did.
Then I met one gal that I, OK, miss. She said hi, though, but my shame just surged out of nowhere and make me mute to talk that girl. Well, that is an old syndrome of mine though; just a little nicer girl will make me stand my goosebumps, temporarily mute, choked, breathe fast, an almost-gonna-burst heart, and etc. etc.

Then, this little pig that dragged me all the way in and out shouted to every entity, "This guy is looking for Siska! For Siska! For Siska!" like an unnecessary Christmas caroling.
When I thought she had gone home, that thing suddenly appeared from a totally unexpected place, walking - no, it was more like slithering - to my place. Then this pig called her while shouting like I was an alien.

Ah, this gal is somehow special to me, not because she is that special or what, but considering that an everyone-knows scandalous event makes ur heart beat like crazy when u meet ur victim, and so was I when this wobbling thing approached me.

### LOL!

But, she just walked past me! WTH?
and like a doppler effect, I slowly recovered from the instability of mind. Even by then, this pig did not stop shouting, "Hoi! Siska, this is ur guy!!!" Hmm, gotta poke his ass sometimes...

###
And this pig did not stop right there. When I told him that she was not the one I wanna meet, he coped my phone and started to send some scandalous message to her like crazy. Arghhhh....!!!

And in the end, until this post is posted, she is still mad at me. Damn!!! That pig also successfully mess with someone I wanna meet most......
##
##
##
##
##
And she got BF already...
Hwaaaaaa!!!!! Kill me.\\


no lah
let it be.
NICE!!!!

A mourn of mine

Ah, another mourn at last.

For a couple of month I have been curiously waiting for what will happen when I have a meet with my friends of past. But all my imagination comes to waste; until now, at least, all seems over-imagined.

Yes, of course warm welcomes were given by some of my friends; it is even an exaggeration to use the word 'some', but let it be.
However, I cannot think of anything anymore. My time almost comes; after it passes, no meet shall be able to be done, even when blood sweat has dripped. OK, maybe that one friend of mine can possibly help me by some chances, but how important am I in the eyes of them - my friends of past?

Such an irritating moment. But, those are nothing when the one I want to meet most from the time I left my very secondary school in Indonesia, responds to none of my effort to start up even a short, little conversation.

###
Ah, whatever I thought. However, there is such a strong desire to see this person. Just once, once is enough to keep my spirit up for the rest of my years in Singapore. But, like talking to a wall, even a single word is completely unexpressed from her. Is it just the unwavering heart? Or is it my foolishness not to be able to take even a single chance that come once in a blue moon?

Arghhhhhhhhh....
I can't bear it anymore.
How can I propose a meeting, no, just a chance to see is enough.

But would it make me contented in the end? I know that I am temperamental, at least. So, I may comprehend that by the time I see, my body will just unconsciously approach her and say a word or two, or even three, or whatever.
For the time being, when my desperation is at its peak, wouldn't a little glance be just fine to quench my unreasonable thirst?

My attempt of being poetic

ah
at last I can make a 'longer' poem
####
My transience of permanence

-Like a permanent transience,
-and so is my loyalty,
-to Him; One with omniscience
-who found me ever guilty

Another moon, another bunch of cloud
At dawn, found myself never guilty
Guilty I feel when I think about
Oh, His solicitude eternally

-When I still have my conscience
-This unfaithfulness are to kill
-And, if I stubborn still
-and so will my permanent transience

ah, I somehow feel 'free'...
I like!!!!!