Uncertified stuff of MINE!!!! Nyaaaa...!!!

A return post!

2011-02-27T01:15:00.007+08:00

It's been a while...

No. It's been almost 2 years since the last time I was having daily-emo, getting myself too disturbed for anything, especially my study. Anyways, the previously mentioned subject seems not to like me too much nowadays - at least a few months ago when I left Singapore. Whatever it is, it seems that I may not be able to be her friend anymore. Oh well....

Thank God that things were going on pretty great in 2010. Especially in the last-half of the year, great stuff did happen; in which by some chances and unjustified-pretensions, I found a new close friend! - at least that's what she said, which has gotten me into deep regrets on why I ever thought and pretended of getting something else from this friend, and in which I have to begrudgingly admit to myself that my efforts are futile once again.....

Well, for this time, I do not want to give up - or at least that's what I thought. Well, she wasn't exactly unaffiliated, which gets me wondering what kind of thoughts blinded me from realizing this obvious fact. Nevertheless, the further I observe, the more convinced I am that she is a rare one.

Fine...., a special one...

Anyways, it's not really about the look - although it's not so bad either, but there's something inside of her that astonishes me. There's an inner quality that I really, really cannot find too often in any other women. Well, perhaps the most attractive thing is the fact that she wants to listen; and we're kinda in the 'same frequencies' when we talk, so a conversation with her is often gratifying. But the problem is that I do not know if she just want us to be close friends.

Please don't.....

Well, somehow I find it bizarre and weird that, at certain times, my liking often grows into a strong affection, or even desperation for her. Why? Why!? Why, even until now, I still think that missing this one would seem like losing once-in-lifetime colossal amount of goodness? Is she that worth it??

PS: I do not know whether I should be happy and proud that the only thing I talk about here is girls.

I'll post something 'neutral' soon...

Testing facebook apps

2009-11-24T23:17:00.000+08:00

for testing

account of me #3

2009-08-07T22:50:00.003+08:00

I played basketball today, only four people.

And there left three.

And left both of us.

I tried to talk, and make play a game. and as i can see, it was super boring.

She took her phone and left me immediately.

I followed, but she kept a constant distance of 2 meters away.

wow~

Now I wonder, is this series of note appropriate to be labeled as good-friend-changes?

First, good friend forgives.

But she has not.

Second, good friend accepts.

But she did not. Once I irritate her, and no longer able to make her laugh and have fun, she left me. wow~

Third, good friend do not lie.

She did. Obviously, conspicuously.

Hey hey~ yo yo~

But whatever okay.

Do you know why moon can only orbit around the earth?

Because she is enjoying playing around and teasing and confusing the earth. She won't ever once lose her tangential speed so that the earth cannot capture her. once the earth is no longer satisfactory, she will stop glowing.

I love chicken rice~~!

Performance, hey ho!

2009-08-07T22:36:00.002+08:00

Hey yo!

Today I went to a performance for Krishna's company.

I thought I was late, because the sound check supposed to start at 5 p.m.

But it had not arrived until 6.10.....

While waiting, there was a waitress. They said she is sweet. I do. ^^

So in the end I rushed to set the things up. After things done, we ate chicken rice.

It costs the payer $25++ each. OMG.

And there it goes, a conversation with someone with extreme shit-tiness.

And the victim was the waitress.

And I regained my strength. :D

It was so fun:

1. I performed in front of VIPs from various countries.

2. I got free nuts

3. I got free soft drink

4. I got free chicken rice, boneless.

5. The fact that there were two pros in girl matters. XD

6. And whatever imagination we thought about. Very nice~~

Glory to God.

He is good, undeniably, timeless, and sincere.

Account of me #2

2009-08-02T22:58:00.002+08:00

I went to church today, and I could not practiced properly in the morning.

During the pre-service prayer, I cried out to Him. And I felt relieved.

after I went back, I was in a strange mood of playing drum in dining hall.

So straight away, I went there and play. It was hot, I sweated, but I still continued.

After sometime, suddenly I felt bored.

So I walked back to Morrison

I was about to enter, and by some arbitrary chance, she came out of her block and called me.....

-.-

Wow, she smiled to me, so I smiled back.

Since she seemed to be in good mood, I talked to her.

She answered me...

After a while, really short, she told me that she just won a competition, for $50.

Wow, she actually DID tell what she went through today to me.

I congratulated her, and we parted.

Wow, I said, that was fast.

Honestly, there is still some scare, so I still keep maximizing my sensitivity level.

There is hope then.

I believe the time will come.

Account of me #1

2009-08-01T23:18:00.005+08:00

Today, I went for GP remedial, and there, I returned her squash rackets I borrowed the previous day.

I returned, I said thank you, she said yeah, but still disgusted to look at me; as if she would get a blinding eye-sore as soon she sees me... The door was more pleasant.

I played badminton.

I still felt the awkwardness in front of her. Perhaps I am still afraid of her contempt towards me.

Honestly, I am scared. And reluctant.

and scared if her feeling became worse.

...

She was still playing badminton, and thus, I went to play in the empty squash court.

Not so long, she came.

She asked for the racquet, without words; she only extended her arm, no words, no smile.

Then she left immediately, as if I am invisible.

At least I tried to limit the amount of time I talked to her; only when necessary.

Or perhaps too little amount, as if I abandoned her as my friend.

So she still in that disgusted mood towards me.

I just met her after the change anyways.

But to be honest, I still failed to act normally and spiritedly in front of her.

Too bad. So sad.

I will do my best the next time.

I believe the change will come.

Grin in Dismay

2009-06-30T22:14:00.003+08:00

Feel the distress coming.
Here there are, the infected!
, they said.
Wearing mask, treating them
like ravenous corpses in need.
But behind,
ironical to see indeed.

People smirk!
They are proud to be chanced escape!
I am not as unlucky. I am living here
Ha. Ha.
Good luck guys. Have fun!

People hope!
Not for the better good,
but thinking they can be the same.
Ha. Ha.

Ha.
We live here. Confined, but forced
to take up the struggle.
Lucky you guys! I want to be like yours!

People laugh!
Due to the bizarre
The walking zombies
The infected.
Ha Ha Ha.
What a joke. Taste that!
Move out with mouth cover.
None to welcome, none to pick up.
Funny…

People smile,
mockingly. But they are not humans.
A declare of victory.
We won! We won! We have won!
Triumph! Glory! All hail to The Fallen!!!
Even the Almighty almost has no power.
As these here are sto-o-o-pid.
Ha ha ha!
How laughable. Seeing this,
they still laugh and grin.
Even in prayer,
egocentrism, indifference inundates.
Good luck for it! You may be safe,
but none is safe for you.

But who have the fervor?
Who have the passion?
Who have the ardor?
Who have the fervency?
Where are they?
One tenth.
One tenth is enough,
to move My heart, to win this war.
To end this isolation…

A list of love reflection question. truly

2009-06-25T10:01:00.006+08:00

When you think you are in love of someone, and you feel that you want to be her partner, I suggest you ask yourself these questions before you actually utter your feeling.

1. What do you actually like about her? Is it simply her appearance?
2. Do you deserve being her partner? Will she be ashamed of you?
3. Will you restrain her interaction with other people if you become attached to her?
4. Are you willing to accept her as what she is? Will you still love her if you find out all of her bad traits?
5. Are you simply fulfilling your hunger for an attractive partner? Or do you really believe you are the best for her - at least for the time being, and thus, you take her so that she will be happy?
6. Will your 'love' be altered if, say, she get an accident and it completely destroys her good appearance?
7. What does she really want out of you?
8. Are you doing something against God's will?
9. Are you sure that you are not being shameless by wishing what is not supposed to be yours?
10. Will you hurt others if you take her? Will people truly support your relationship?
11. Are you sure she loves you truly?
12. If you do not take her, will someone just snatches it, and thus, what you can see is she being hurt?
13. Are you happy when she is happy?
14. What do you seek out of her?
15. How do you think you can make her happy?
16. Have you been so far faking your true identity in front of her?
17. Has she been so far faking her true identity to people?
18. Are you sure you can be faithful to her? Even when you then found someone twice as well-behaved and thrice as beautiful?
19. Will you willingly, truly forgive her mistakes?
20. What will your reaction be is she decides to break up? Will you still love her? Will you still be her best companion? Best friend?
21. Will you keep your secrets from her?
22. How far do you want to go in this relationship?
23. Are you sure you know her limits in relationship?
24. Are you sure you will not hurt her, and thus traumatize her of relationship for the rest of her life?
25. Are you doing this for fun? to get an experience? to learn something? or you really want this to last as long as possible, and perhaps, your first and last and forever attachment?

This sounds a trifle trivial, but actually, is important if you want to have a good relationship - I suppose.

A guess

2009-06-23T18:11:00.004+08:00

How do you call it?
Of mine feeling about her.
Give me the answer,
and this soul shall be yours!
Take it,
as thirst would be quenched
and this sorrow ends.

I shall call it love!
NO!
Love is patient, love is kind.
Neither it is envious, boastful, and proud.
It isn't rude! It isn't self-seeking!
Never easily angered, never kept record of wrong.
It rejoices truth!
It protects! Trusts! Hopes! Perseveres! And never fails!!!
But indeed, none of that eventuates between.
Such wonder! I want it, but it will never come.

Infatuation, perhaps, sir?
NO!
If it is, why does it stay so long?
If it is, why am I prepared for the bad?
If it is, why do I not stop?
If it is, why am I not sick of it after a while?
If it REALLY is,
why have not I left her?
If it REALLY is,
why am I willing to give most-of-all?
Such difference!
If it is not, why is it so strong?

Well, call it amity!
NO! NO!
Amity does not harm.
Amity does not hurt.
Amity does not seek attention.
Amity is no jealousy.
Amity is not possessive.
Amity only seeks to bring joy.
Such hope of hers!
I know it; that my mind will fail
to know the limit.

Well well, sir. Then what is it?
Who is she anyway?
She is my friend. No.
She is my deceiver. No.
She is my queen. No.
She is the biggest liar of all times. No.
She is my all in all. No.
She is the pitfall and loophole of my life.
No.
She is the flower, I am the bee. No.
She is the snake. No.
She is my best friend. No.
She is the one toying with my feelings. No.
She is the one I really care about.
No.
She is myself.
... No.
She is my hope.

Forlorn.

Irritation,a.poem

2009-06-14T02:52:00.002+08:00

bleh bleh, &5ef%%6en@1@w whydoiwayssk4speclattn..
i now know why u r quite lazy to answer
can u read?
yea yea yea, my fault that makes u so lazy to answer me
blah blah blah.. sorry
i now know why u r quite lazy to answer
WO WO, pretty pessimistic, but i think true

ithinkijstwantreply
thenugotirritatd
thenignore2
goo goo goo
wawawawa,sadsadme
hmmhmm,maybereallyshouldstop
cozureallyfeelbugged
sighnvmthen

sorrytohavedisturbedsooooooomuch
tilluhavetowaitandstaytoreply
andeventillnowustilldo
hmm,whytonaggyidunno
observant?oversenstve?
woozzz
gogogonowmyself

i am uttering truth
perhapsushouldread
have u even read all????????????

no u dont!
haha,yea,nowucontonuewatching
sadsadme
shouldchasemeoutearlieeerr
grahhh
actuallyyyureallyseemdisturbedbymyunendingchatt
gogogowatchthefilm,dunneedtowatchfriend
uncovertheclover,covertherest

Self-potrayal

2009-06-12T01:11:00.004+08:00

I am such A DRAB!
Such animal in street corners!
They come, teasing this slum dog!
with those unworthy notes they adore...
Low, low. Keep that, keep that!
I don't need them... I can live!
You don't need to pay me!
I will SURVIVE!

Yeah! I AM drab! So what?!
You think I can't survive with this?
Look! People ASK for my autograph.
Every week I go down the town to
give them my precious signature!
They will give me money as
my loyal fans.
Right?

I am fabulous. I AM. FAB!
Look! I have the beautiful, dull-black skies
as my forever-shelter! How wonderful!
Every time the stars twinkle,
I always sleep with my mom,
your mom, everything's. Mother!!
I am sooo fab!
The rich even give their clothes to me!
Such fame! Unimaginable.

Nigga, nigga! Ya ain't one of us!
Go away, or this black-ass fist will put
a bloody mark in yar' lil' bro!
Wow! They call me brother!
Such joy! Well, come here!
I shall serve you
with all my strength, with all my heart!

When done, I shall serve you on silver plate.

Lovesick, a response

2009-06-05T22:38:00.003+08:00

-I was in repose, waiting,
calming myself down again..
And this is how it has gone:

What are you still waiting for?
I am waiting for tranquil wind.
The one that brings peace to me,
_to blow what makes me sooooo bored

Since when have you been waiting?
I have been waiting since the dawn.
However excruciating,
-I shall wait, wait, . . . and wait.

Why do you want to stay, still?
|I have no other choices!
She's the only antidote,
to my forever-sorrow.

Who are you then waiting for?
|I'm waiting for my missing Miss.
The one that resembles me,
the one that I want, always!

To whom I have loved truly,
truly. Truly. |True loving.

Memoir1

2009-06-02T23:05:00.003+08:00

Haha, such a long long time before i posted this thing. 1 term! lol
ok, i will start a series of moments in my life that i will never forget, or perhaps, the ones that i dont want to forget. haha. ha.
so, yeah, this is series one:

James, the Goh and Gunawan, the first time we meet in an unforgettable 3T,
Mr Tan Weng Seng was passing around a sitting plan, I wrote James, and he wrote James 2.
haha

thats all for now

Start of holiday

2009-03-16T00:14:00.002+08:00

It is another holiday. How meaningful it is, depends on myself.

Even after three days have passed, I am still living in a holiday mood; extreme slackness of a mere man.

Notwithstanding, I WANT TO START.
but how to do that?
Here is the list of temptation that always haunt me:

FOOD
Internet
Basketball
Badminton
Go KFC
Running (HOW COME???!!!)
Go to Pasta Mania
Computer games
fOOd
Disturbing my roommates
Going to Carl's Jr.
Visiting S11
Buying snack and drink at bubble tea shop
Reading comics in the toilet
Food
Somnolence
playing PSP
Can drinks
facebook
having a little taste on footlong-subway-sandwich
playing my mac
eating my Mc's
SPORE
Passing by prata house w/ 100% chance of being tempted to enter and spend at least $5
F0:D
sleep
Having a nice dream
FOOD

hmm, see, how great the number of them are.
So, I guess one by one is to be eliminated if I really want to start.

My scandalous case during orientation

2009-02-07T11:53:00.004+08:00

HEAaaa....

Orientation in RI(JC) has just ended. I got some story to tell u all.
:::
Quite unbelievable though that I can be in love by some random chance. It was all started by some random rumor by one OGL. He told everyone that I like this one sweet girl.

Each day there is only one thing they say about me, which is that unbelievably favorite rumor. On why that is the only thing, I don't know.

Nevertheless, God told me that she is not mine. At this time round, as I've heard the rumor for tens of times, I was somehow infatuated by her. I feel quite disappointed, coz she is actually a very nice girl. Those pigs just do not know how to treat her properly.

Desperate enough to forget about this unnecessary infatuation, I kept praying strong. One thing I remember: He said the process would be PAINFUL.

Remarkably painful; that is what I can say. By any means, I was mentally suppressed forcefully. It was really a hard time; it had to reach my limit until I got the result. Another hour, and I would have exploded...

And in the end, He took that feeling away. I was watching the storyline, and suddenly there is this unbelievable comfort and joy in my heart; I heard He said, 'It is done. Now, u are no longer infatuated.' I was really happy then, until one time I decided to play around; I tried to 'get closer' to her, and everything that I have done through suffering turned out worthless... I am now badly infatuated w/her, worse then before.
==
What is it now?

Ah, my friend. How am I supposed to do this?

2009-01-29T20:53:00.002+08:00

So what now?
She exhausted me to the end
As I said I can
To help so relationship regrow

But what freak I get?
First friendliness I met
After the work is collected
I got but neglected...

So my friend, what now?
Soon as it ends, nothing I sow
Only know attitude she show
Only bad impression I avow

Emo of the day

2009-01-20T22:28:00.002+08:00

SHE IGNORED ME......................
Hiks hiks hiks....
sob sob sobs.....
Hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......

emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo

PIG, u shall suffer!!!!!!
to the end! It shall never end!!!!!
Enjoy the ever suffering!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And there comes she,.... the one

2009-01-17T01:30:00.004+08:00

A free poem of mine
It doesn't rhyme
----------------------------------

Ah
At last a chance,
A little conversation was made
After a long, long wait

Just a click on a messenger
At last, a face of her
Though it was just photo of another
It was, for me, a thriller

Her face was just soothing now and then
Her smile pleased me and never end;
The countenance that's undoubtedly calming
The expression of others enchanting

But
however I miss her, a meet should happen not
May she giving reject
or me having no gut

-------
That is all

A1 Malay O level

2009-01-13T21:15:00.002+08:00

Ah
Is it a luck? Is it my very own effort? Somebody's help?

Whatever it is, I believe non of them are true. I had never gotten myself satisfied with my malay test' results. Scold, mourn, contempt are what I got before it. Even a B3 I could not reach.

It was both of myself and my teacher who was very disappointed and felt no other way to lift my mark up. B3 would be the highest possibility.

But whatever it is, I can only tell one thing; God was there with me, in the exam hall.

###

How to feel?
It was warm, I can tell it. One is warmth, the other was an unbelievable calmness and fresh mind while doing the work. It was cold inside the hall, together with my ignorance to bring a hoodie, make it gigantic freezer to my body. As this icy wind blankets someone, him are supposed to lose all focus and begin to shiver unstoppably. However, that lovely hug of His simply turned this fridge into a tropical rainforest.

The mental support was real. His presence are just strong. And, yeah, like, some awesome forces were supporting you from behind.

That is all I could say. None of this are my work. Everybody knows, I suck at Malay, but by His grace, no impossible is impossible.

Arghhh.... You die, pig!!!

2009-01-11T21:05:00.002+08:00

Damn
damn
DAMN!!!!!

You pig
die
die
die
ddieeee!!!!!
HWaaaaA!!!!!
Lost
get lost to the galaxy!!!!
die
DDDDDIIIIEEE!!!!

now how, you jackass!!!

She is mad at me!!!!
arghhhh....

no more tomorrow shall come..
damn
damn
DAmn
DAMN!!!!!

Disappear to the end boy!!!!
die u
u irresponsible entity!!!!

ah
Cry
Crying
I cry
I am crying
I am crying out loud
Now, I am crying out loud
Hwaaaaaa...

No forgiveness to you!!!!
die
Die
DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some refreshment...

2009-01-11T00:40:00.002+08:00

Hard gay!!!

Hard gay,
hooooooo!!!!!!

Arghh......... lose!! LOSE!!!!!!

2009-01-11T00:24:00.001+08:00

ah
ah

Huaaaa!!!!!!!
My cry never end! NEVAH!!!!

hwaaaaaa....
ah
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo post
emo
emo
emo
emo
emo

Lamentation....... Hiks!

2009-01-11T00:17:00.002+08:00

Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!
Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!
Ah....
World ends...

She is attached.....
She is in a relationship.....
She got boyfriend....

ahhhh..

She got boyfriend....
In a relationship...
ATTACHED....

HUWAAAAAAaaa!!!!!!

End....

Emo

2009-01-11T00:15:00.000+08:00

Emo is sad
Sad is emo
hiks
T.T

HWaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAA......

What a mess I made - another lamentation

2009-01-10T20:46:00.004+08:00

Ah, at last, a visit to that forbidden school, Loyola College.
Shortly, it is a place that pops up tons of bitter memories from my mind of the past, due to SOME rejection, SOME materialism, SOME nightmare, and SOME, well, friends...

But, en passant, it was just a little wild thought of visiting this very place that had traumatized me so long ago by its incorrigible indifference. So, for what? Visiting those 'friends', supposedly, from the past. I was pretty sure for 'a little' warmer welcome, but, well, things always turn out differently.

OK, first, I got one of my friend to pop out and drag me all around the school. Then I saw some people, and , SHIT, I did not recognize them as my friend, however they did.
Then I met one gal that I, OK, miss. She said hi, though, but my shame just surged out of nowhere and make me mute to talk that girl. Well, that is an old syndrome of mine though; just a little nicer girl will make me stand my goosebumps, temporarily mute, choked, breathe fast, an almost-gonna-burst heart, and etc. etc.

Then, this little pig that dragged me all the way in and out shouted to every entity, "This guy is looking for Siska! For Siska! For Siska!" like an unnecessary Christmas caroling.
When I thought she had gone home, that thing suddenly appeared from a totally unexpected place, walking - no, it was more like slithering - to my place. Then this pig called her while shouting like I was an alien.

Ah, this gal is somehow special to me, not because she is that special or what, but considering that an everyone-knows scandalous event makes ur heart beat like crazy when u meet ur victim, and so was I when this wobbling thing approached me.

### LOL!

But, she just walked past me! WTH?
and like a doppler effect, I slowly recovered from the instability of mind. Even by then, this pig did not stop shouting, "Hoi! Siska, this is ur guy!!!" Hmm, gotta poke his ass sometimes...

###
And this pig did not stop right there. When I told him that she was not the one I wanna meet, he coped my phone and started to send some scandalous message to her like crazy. Arghhhh....!!!

And in the end, until this post is posted, she is still mad at me. Damn!!! That pig also successfully mess with someone I wanna meet most......
##
##
##
##
##
And she got BF already...
Hwaaaaaa!!!!! Kill me.\\

no lah
let it be.
NICE!!!!

A mourn of mine

2009-01-09T23:11:00.002+08:00

Ah, another mourn at last.

For a couple of month I have been curiously waiting for what will happen when I have a meet with my friends of past. But all my imagination comes to waste; until now, at least, all seems over-imagined.

Yes, of course warm welcomes were given by some of my friends; it is even an exaggeration to use the word 'some', but let it be.
However, I cannot think of anything anymore. My time almost comes; after it passes, no meet shall be able to be done, even when blood sweat has dripped. OK, maybe that one friend of mine can possibly help me by some chances, but how important am I in the eyes of them - my friends of past?

Such an irritating moment. But, those are nothing when the one I want to meet most from the time I left my very secondary school in Indonesia, responds to none of my effort to start up even a short, little conversation.

###
Ah, whatever I thought. However, there is such a strong desire to see this person. Just once, once is enough to keep my spirit up for the rest of my years in Singapore. But, like talking to a wall, even a single word is completely unexpressed from her. Is it just the unwavering heart? Or is it my foolishness not to be able to take even a single chance that come once in a blue moon?

Arghhhhhhhhh....
I can't bear it anymore.
How can I propose a meeting, no, just a chance to see is enough.

But would it make me contented in the end? I know that I am temperamental, at least. So, I may comprehend that by the time I see, my body will just unconsciously approach her and say a word or two, or even three, or whatever.
For the time being, when my desperation is at its peak, wouldn't a little glance be just fine to quench my unreasonable thirst?

My attempt of being poetic

2009-01-09T21:26:00.002+08:00

ah
at last I can make a 'longer' poem
####
My transience of permanence

-Like a permanent transience,
-and so is my loyalty,
-to Him; One with omniscience
-who found me ever guilty

Another moon, another bunch of cloud
At dawn, found myself never guilty
Guilty I feel when I think about
Oh, His solicitude eternally

-When I still have my conscience
-This unfaithfulness are to kill
-And, if I stubborn still
-and so will my permanent transience

ah, I somehow feel 'free'...
I like!!!!!

Another random poem of mine

2008-12-28T01:30:00.001+08:00

ah ah
I wonder why suddenly I become damn poetic.
Even my random friend said that I'm cheem....
They dont know that there is an instant one-click Dictionary on my com maybe.
hhehehe
anyway, here it is

prognostication is a divine eternal bestowal
strife to the end, to the end my boy
even if u miss it, to you, another come shall
to Him, all you have; no coy

ah ah
a bit religious though

Joy of Christmas

2008-12-25T01:03:00.003+08:00

Yay, it is Christmas at last!!!!
I just realize, something is lacking. Is it the presents? The Santa? The Party? The Greetings? The FOOD?

No, its about nothing but my friends. Yes, that lonely feeling is strong; left out by friends from my previous schools (they have never really been my friend though). Is it sad? Yes, I say, definitely.
Is it obvious why they ignore me perpetually? Yes, I say, crystal clear; I was an asshole, back then, or perhaps hitherto. Or maybe no, because forgiving people is freaking hard for everyone, especially to those people who bugs everyone often whom forgiveness are to be given to again and again.

It is just unusual though. It is just a sudden snap on my mind. Where the heck are they? The people whom I have tried to approach to, though they are never as stubborn to everyone but me?
Can I be mad at them? Yes, of course, but who cares? The indifferent will forever be it.
Mistakes of mine of this is forever incorrigible, approaching the ignoring, leaving behind the accepting.
As a result, both parties shall hate me; the pinched in the no man's land between them.

### Shouldn't be an emo post. Dont worry!!!!

Then, I came to this church that I always attend to when I am in Indonesia for holiday. Hey, praising God in the midst of 22,000 people is amazing!!!!
I was quite disappointed when we came a bit late and thus, we sat at the back; to far from the stage. But in that very point of place I realized; the Holy stadium is EXTREMELY BIG. And damn!!!! It was full..... of people of course, shouting praises to the Holy Name.

After that, there was this performance from Bandung. It was VERY NICE! I LIKE!
OK. or should I say, DAMN IMBA performance.......

After everything; the Marching band, the whatever breathtaking performances, we went back.

####

However I came in disappointment, I went back with joy. If I could shout, I would have shouted, "God, this is what I need!!!!! Everything else is a lesser joy! But You are the real one!"
However, I was still afraid if 22,000 people stare at me at the same time with amusement, so I did not shout....

That's all I can share. If I miss something, I will just edit this post. Wuahahahahaha.

Other random photos

2008-12-24T00:47:00.003+08:00

Hmm, just found some weird ones in my pict. folder....

Siva

Another Siva

Another siva

Another Siva (hey, he wasted my com memory!)

Whatever u call it.....

Another random poem of mine

2008-12-24T00:18:00.003+08:00

this is another emo poem.
coz I was waitin' for this one person, who took FOREVEr to respond to what I am doing.

-Like in another world I wait
-but wait comes to wait
-another bait, another wait
-wait for a snap, for another wait

My other weird poem

2008-12-17T22:38:00.001+08:00

This one quite emo...

-Just a say
-Would you come please?
-But they, those indifferent, say nay
-A last chance, but brings no peace...

My new weird poem

2008-12-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

-kind of hindered and somewhat smoke-screened by some entities
-deep down from the hole of those who flees
-a suppa feminist, megalo boy
-and a burnt sauce of soy

weird, isn't it?
don't ask me why though about the soy...

2008-11-06T09:53:00.003+08:00

Seems like some scandalous case, isn't it?

Together we STAND!!!

2008-11-06T09:43:00.005+08:00

Masked me...

MR Bean in the formal dinner
(While doin' the Heroes' spirit walk)

Fresh brand new muggY club

Literature at RI-JC

2008-11-04T16:53:00.002+08:00

Dude!
After the incorrigible discouragements from the whole school to me, I decided to forget about it.
...
About a week ago, I made a promise that if my EL EOY is below 60%, Literature will just something to forget. And it turns out I got 56.6666..., which is 57%.

Then, I got a news of moderation. One of which is 3% increase in EOY's mark....
Weird, isn't it?

Literature at RJC

2008-10-28T20:58:00.002+08:00

During the past few days, I decided to take lit in RJC. I was very sure about it.
But then came the sign "Dude, forget about it. You are not for it!"

When I saw Mrs. Rossie Smith, my EL remedial teacher who also a lit teacher, she said that 'She strongly discourages me from taking Lit.' Coz my EL s*ckz.....

Then, I made a promise to myself, if my EL EOY got less than 60%, I won't take that very subject.
And what I got? 56%!!!!!!!!
(But thaks God I did not fail. O my sonnnn, I got into RJC!!!!!!)

2008-10-28T20:11:00.001+08:00

SPasticity level from 1 to 10?
Answer : 11

2008-10-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

Singapore's today in past angle of view...

2008-10-24T23:41:00.001+08:00

During Assembly in RI

2008-10-23T22:54:00.000+08:00

The 'nggatelis' (weirdossssz)

2008-10-23T22:32:00.001+08:00

During roll call.... RIB
(this one was the damn organized one)

2008-10-21T23:07:00.001+08:00

My distorted face...#3

2008-10-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

My distorted face, and others#1

2008-10-21T22:59:00.001+08:00

My distorted face.... #2

2008-10-20T22:53:00.000+08:00

We didnt go beach to take this pict.

2008-10-20T22:51:00.001+08:00

FREAKossss...

2008-10-20T22:40:00.001+08:00

One of the Japanese school.
Not as big as RI, but damn nize!!!

2008-10-20T22:29:00.001+08:00

Damn nice pattern.... (Lockers)

2008-10-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

My distorted face...#1

2008-10-20T22:18:00.000+08:00

David and I, after playing 'madly' in a church' special event....

2008-10-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

A set meal I had in Japan
Undeniably mouth-watering...

(though they said the curry looks totally like a diluted sh*t...)

2008-10-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

Concert hall owned by one Japanese school
Freaken big

Arek2 Surabaya @ Raffles Institution (1)

2008-03-03T20:52:00.000+08:00

It is strange tough.

I still remembered that at the beginning of the year, I wished that I will not meet any random entities again in my life, but it was proven that some unidentified group of people, 3 weeks ago, were accidentally exchanged with at my school's students....

It is actually OK for me to be given a task for just dragging them all around Singapore until they say, "I have no more money," or, "I am BORED. Let me go back to the hostel and sleep..." But what i could not easily easily is the maddened questions from the my beloved fellow Singaporean. This is the common dialogue that I usually encountered :

Me : Oh, yeah! For the next two weeks I could make friends with the people from my own home country.

Singprs : Any of them beautiful?

Sometimes it would stop after I said that I have not known any, but usually the talk went on like this :

Singprs: Any of them beautiful?

Me : Dunno.. Haven't seen any of them.

Sng: (non-sense) Are the girls HOTTT?????
Or
Sng: (full-of-stupidity) Can you introduce me to the pretty one(s)?
Or even sometimes
Sng: Do the girls have big 8**bs? (Anyway, why the b**bs?????)

And i usually ended up with saying:

I : (lazy) Dunno... Haven't seen any of them THOROUGHLY....

After a while I started thinking that may friends have all turned lustful because of 4 years in a no-girl-but-female-teacher society in RI.

****

At the first week, the tour for the exchange students was held on Sunday. At that point of time, what I want is just to be together with them with a cocky purpose, to know them 'better'.

Although it is raining, i just wanna come.

Although I have a bone fracture, I just wanna come.

Although I don't wanna come, I just wanna come...... Lol!

But, on the other hand, i also did not want to not come to the church. I could just go to church at Saturday so I would be free at the next day just by not coming to the additional English lesson in the afternoon. But the slam from the National champion of judo should be quite painful for me, so I decided to only give up everything to God.

Then I took an initiative to tell Mrs. Cathy, the high majesty president director of my English course. I was damn worried because she did not come at the beginning. So, I decided to call her, and I thought the conversation would go on like this :

Me: Mam, is it possible for me for not attending the supplementary class?
Mrs.Cth: What?? How could you ask me for such foolish question??? DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOUR GUARDIAN????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Sorry mam..... My apologize, mam..... I did not mean it, mam.... Screw ya, mam......(Of course not!!!!)

While waiting for her, I started to think about calling her. Yes!! I did not want to take a risk of her for not coming. I was lazy to ask my ordinary-and-usual-with no-rank teacher, so I tried to ask her majesty's number from my friends. But due to uncertainties and random chances, no one has it.....

*****

My worry had been starting to accumulate. I was afraid, blood-sweating, terrified, anxious, in despair, tortured, and so on. What I want was just an excuse!!!!!!! I started to ask everyone in my class, other classes, in the boarding, my juniors, people in the street (????), and many more about how and what would happen. It was just very excruciating for me.

In my despair I could not do anything. How can I persuade her???? Is that possible? Will I succeed if I take off my clothes while begging to he for a permission??? Ah.. It was just so hard...

Unexpectedly, she came to my class like a pop up in the Internet. I said, "Liberty!!!!!!" very loudly........... in my heart. But again, I was afraid that she would be maddened. aAAAAAA.....

But, after that, I heard the most heart-stopping and breath-taking sentence that afternoon...
\She\
/said,/
" The afternoon class is CANCELED, because a lot of common tests are coming up... Thank you"

@0@

Oh my GGGGGoooooDDDD!!!!!!!!! WHy did I waste my effort to stay alive in despair?????

The HeLps of the Foreigners foR the GreeCe fire

2007-08-28T21:40:00.000+08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6965337.stm

Fire, is it useful? Yes, it is, but how if the fire was so huge so it has burnt your property and ‘cooked’ some of your family member? Of course, you will think the existence of fire is meaningless in this world, similar to the people of Greek.
Some people have started some fires in the Greece. 32 of suspected arson suspects have been arrested. As the fire was so big, a million euros will be given to the people who arrest the fire-starters.
It might be not as big as now in the beginning, but the condition, such as a long summer and the dry wind, have turned and have spread the inferno. As the consequences, the fire has killed at least 6o people in Greece and burnt a large amount of houses and properties. The flame has even licked some parts of the ancient Olympia, but the people and the firefighter have managed to keep it safe.
Some countries helped the Greece in this situation by sending some water-bombing aircrafts and medical kits and also helped Greece to arrest the terrorists. It is believed that the burning of the forest is because the unclearness of the law of the area in which it can’t be used for development.
Is this the world nowadays? People burnt some places just for their own sake. They do not know that the fire that they have started could lead to the serious disaster. They are very irresponsible. These acts even have added some countries busyness. Some countries must help so the fire will not rampage the Greece further.

In my other side of thoughts, the countries, such as Canada and Italy, are highly caring about the environment. They want to spend their time and money to help this case, although they know the helps might come from the other countries also.
These are also busy and do not have much free time to spend, but they know how the feeling is if this calamity is happened in their countries. They also need helps. These feelings guide them to help the Greece in this disaster.

So, in my opinion, the thought for helping people, no matter what, must be stared from our hearts. If we are forced, the helps we give is worthless.

Den!al and Despair Covers the pareNts due to the Growth of tEen druGs Abu$ers

2007-08-27T20:50:00.000+08:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/08/16/teens.substance.abuse.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch

In this article, the writer discussed about the significant growth in the number of drug abusing among the teenagers. From the survey, it is known that there is 61% of the high school students are using the drugs. This is a surprising increase, compared to year of 2002, whose percentage only 44%. In my opinion, this situation shows that the mentality of the teenagers have been broken down as the time passed.
Firstly, why do they want to use the drugs? Is that because they do not know what is the side effect of it? No! The teenagers do know that the drugs are really bad for their health. They will destroy their bodies soon, or later. But what actually make them want to try such things?
From the survey, I can conclude that most of them are taking the drugs due to the peer pressure. They may start when their best friends offer them the drugs. As they are their best friends, the person will feel very difficult to say no. If his belief that ‘drugs are unhealthy’ is not strong enough, the person will be trapped in drugs abusing.
Some of them are very popular among the students. They will mostly do not want to be called as a loser. Thus, they will accept any challenges that are given to him, even if the challenge is something very dangerous, like drugs.
And of course, the very famous cause is depression. Some students can hardly accept their achievement in the school. They always think that they are so stupid until they are stressed and depressed. When they are depressed, they can’t think well, so they just take the drugs that promised a temporary happiness, without even care about the effect.
The parents are very concerned about this thing in the beginning. But lately, the growth is even worse. The parents’ efforts are valueless. Their hopes are starting to vanish. They now don’t even know what to do, and think that the effort of the schools to make them drugs-free are pointless, just a piece of crap. They don’t know what they have to do to prevent their children from the drugs abusing. At the very end, they are in despair; lose their hope that is used to be put on their children.
So now, do you still want to take those drugs?

Global warming

2007-05-17T20:53:00.000+08:00

http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0409/feature1/

Do you feel hot? Do not ask why. Actually, you must ask yourself this question “am I the cause of this hot day?” Nowadays, global warming becomes the serious problem that the earth faces. A lot of people still do not care about this serious problem.
The earth has been turned so hot. In this hot situation, there is a strange thing that comes to my mind. That thing is that the earth used to be frozen around 400 hundred years ago, it was chilly and cold, and suddenly it becomes this hot.
A lot of people think that this is caused by the change of nature. They think that the sun has become closer to the earth, so it turns the earth hotter, but I do not thing this kind of thing can be happened. Some other people thing that a climate is just a passing through condition, it just lasts for a while, and the changed to the others.
Actually, the main cause of the global warming is the human itself. After those chilly years, people were starting to do the industrial revolution. The human were starting to clear the forest to become the land for their manufacture buildings. They did not think that the forest may slow the warming of the earth. Even in the industry, they are using a lot of coal, oil and gases. The industrial processes turn all of these materials into a carbon dioxide gas, the main cause of global warming. That gas’s concentration is now much higher than before.
This may affect to the other living being, not just human. The scientists have predicted that the polar bears will extinct in 30 years.
Although they have known all of these, some of the people are still unaware of this situation. Why? It is because, it happen so slowly; the process is very long. The people have never thought about how to prevent it, as they do not know that something serious shall be happened on those warm days.
Scientists are still looking for the way to slow the process of the global warming. They are trying to make the other source, such as hydrogen, as the main source of energy.
If the scientists are trying to do something, we must contribute to prevent the global warming too. So now, do you want to turn off your air-con to slow this warming process?

Oral Sex for Teens

2007-05-13T19:53:00.000+08:00

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20050404/1-in-5-young-teens-report-having-tried-oral-sex

As a teenager, we always want to know everything. We are just starting to discover and try something; even we have not known what the side effects are.
Many teenagers are still searching the way for them to express their sexual desire. One of the most popular things is by masturbating, but this way still makes some of them “unsatisfied”.
Like in California, the survey shows, surprisingly, that 2o% of the 14 years-olds teenagers have already tried oral sex. From my opinion, I think those teens are very smart. Why? It is because the reason why they were trying oral sex is because they have known that the oral sex is much safer than the vaginal sex. Yeah, it is true, but is that means it’s really safe?
Yes, it was really said that oral sex carries zero percent of risk of transmitting HIV and Chlamydia, but the safe sex is not just because of that! The actual risk of oral sex is still unknown, so the teenagers usually do not use condoms or dental dams in oral sex.
So, this is the example of the teenagers’ recklessness. They always try something that they think can make them feel happy and satisfied. They have never thought what will happen to them and the people around them.
In this case, how about if this act is exposed to the public? Their parents might become embarrassed and shameful due to their children behavior. They will become stressful, and cannot concentrate to their work again, and will make their business fail.
Even in school, they will start to lose their friends. One by one, their friend will run away as they do not want to make friend with an oral sex maniac.
Their study will be disturbed. Their childhood will be lost. They will lose all of their hopes, and might end with suicide.
So, is it better for us as a teenager to welcome the free sex in our lives? I do not think so, unless you want to offer your happy time as a teenager as a tribute to satisfy you for a while.

Internet slimming pills warning

2007-03-01T21:34:00.000+08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6407157.stm

‘To become slim’ is the common thing that becomes most of fat people goal (even me!). Some of them want to become slim in a lot of different ways. They may improve their health in a lot of different ways such as do some exercises and have a healthy diet, but there are not a few persons who use the ‘easy and short’ way. One of the fast ways is by taking the slimming pills that can be ordered from the internet.

The slimming pills that are sold from the internet are mostly dangerous due to illegal business. The consumers usually do not know about the dangerous of the products from the unregistered market. One of the Brazilian models Ana Carolina Reston was dead. It is believed that she had taken the slimming pills and painkillers. Not only that, half of the women who had been surveyed by ‘closediets.com’ said that they use slimming pills naively, do not care about the side effect.

From this article, I realized that using slimming pills is so dangerous that even the result is not worth the risk of death. Shortcut maybe easy, but the results are not always maximum and satisfying as what we expect them to be.

Some problems might be too difficult, time-consuming, and looks almost impossible for some people. So, to solve it easily, they use the instant way without considering the other effect.

Actually, how to solve the problem?

People should be more concerned about the side effect of using shortcut, instead of only thinking about the ‘fabrication’ advantage of using it. If we do on the proper way, we can remember the way to solve the problem.

This article motivates me to reduce my frequency of using the short way. I usually do the easy way when I was really desperate. I as well realized that the shortcut has never made me satisfied, and when I must do the same thing, I had forgotten how to do it properly. Now, I starting to finish something, even accomplish it, in the proper way, although the problem looks really impossible to be done and waste too much time.

To conclude, as one of the Julius Caesar quotation says:
"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience."
It is easier for us to use the easy way rather than the proper one, but the result of the easy way can ended in a worse condition.

Drug may Boost Down’s Performance

2007-02-05T13:27:00.000+08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6396473.stm
Down’s syndrome, what is that? Down’s syndrome is a mutation that caused by the presence of the third chromosome in the pair of chromosome 21, and make nerve cell in the brain work slowly. It quiet frequent in UK, 1 in 800 births. The good news is that the scientists’ research was producing a satisfying result. They have found a medicine for Down’s syndrome, although it was just tested on mice.

When I read this article, I realized that the technology is become more sophisticated. Humans become smarter, and solve the mysteries one by one. Let’s look at the past. There was no drug for some inheriting diseases like for bird flu and epilepsies, and slowly the scientists found it.

I am very happy to know this news. A lot of people can not live normally because of the mutation, and can not be cured. I hope that the scientist can find many other drugs for some incurable sickness, like AIDS and gangrene. It is because the inviting of those drugs makes the victim can live normally and happily. Besides, we must try to find the efficient drugs with cheapest composition, so the ‘not so rich’ people can consume it too.

Although I am agree with this drug inviting, I think about something else. I think about when human can find the medicines for all of the disease? I think it is just looking so good, marvelous, but actually not really. If that happen, what will some people think? They could think that they can do everything, even beating the critical disease. They will leave God, and think that the God is no longer needed. They could say, ‘Why should I beg and ask to Him? I CAN DO EVERYTHING I WANT! Just use my brain, my money and my power.’

This article influences me quite big. I realize that I must work very hard to survive in this world. I can not just give up when face a big problem, but I should face it, do it, and if I can, beat it. Then, a motto came into my mind, ‘If he can, why can’t I? We are human, we eat rice, why is he better than me?’ So, generally this article motivated me to do something that very hard to be done, so I can live better than now.